I can't help to think, what would you want to know about me? Why would you? After all, I'm an ordinary person. I am not a victim of adversity because, ultimately, my choices lead me to the consequences. I'm not the only one in this world that's gone through unpleasant life experiences. Everyone is going through something, but some of us are very good at hiding and pretending everything is ok until it's not. You must know that as I'm writing this, I feel uncomfortable and doubtful, out of my comfort zone. However, if my experience brings hope to one person, then it's worth stepping out in faith and trusting that my words will land on fertile soil like so many others have. This blog is not for me. It's for you. I want to share about God's goodness and His infinite grace! For you to know that you have a loving Father who never gives up no matter how bad we mess up. It's about how He manifests Himself at our lowest, rock bottom moments, then gently and lovingly brings us to our knees when we invite Him in. That's how He introduced Himself to me.
Isn't that always the case? We find ourselves in difficult circumstances with nowhere to turn. We exhaust our resources before choosing God. Which now makes me wonder, why? In my case, I was taught God punished sinners. I was afraid of not living up to Godly standards. I didn't feel worthy of Him. I had a very warped opinion about who He is. I thought the Bible was too long to read, difficult to understand, and boring! I believed that prayer had to be perfect to get His attention. I didn't know that fear meant to worship, that prayer is simply an honest conversation, and that He wanted to have a relationship with me. I didn't realize that it was pride and shame getting in the way of the ultimate experience and true freedom. He didn't care, He knew everything about me, and He was patiently waiting.
In 2013, one of my worst years ever is when I decided to invite God into my life. In truth, I was on the verge of admitting myself into a mental institution after many years of pretending that my life was peachy keen! In reality, my life was falling apart. My circumstances were dire, exhausting, and terrifying. I couldn't pretend anymore. One day at work, a peer confronted me. She saw right through me and said she knew what I was going through. Then, she openly shared some very personal experiences with me. She was right. She knew what was going on and comforted me. I was afraid to tell her what was going on without falling apart, but for the first time, I did anyway. It was healing in some way. Her advice was simple, to pray, and then she shared how God was at work in her life. From that point forward, I considered her to be a trusted friend. I will never forget this life-changing moment. So, I decided to let my guard down, let God into my mess, and learned to pray. Imagine my surprise when God lovingly revealed that I am a selfish, know-it-all, control freak who kept getting in His way! Not in those words exactly, but I wondered why didn't anyone tell me?
I began to appreciate honesty, freedom, and peace during prayer. I enjoyed feeling uninhibited. I decided to make time to pray and read scripture first thing in the mornings. I quickly learned that change had to start with me. I realized I couldn't love without knowing what love is and to love myself first. I slowly and hesitantly handed my troubles over to Him. As time passed, I humbly admitted that my life was too difficult to handle alone. So, I asked Him to help me surrender. He showed me how through scripture, books, devotionals,
ministries, and other believers' testimonies. I learned how to depend on His Spirit and believe in The Gospel of Jesus. As I became intentional in my spiritual growth, I began to see my outer circumstances change, slowly but consistently, in unexpected ways. I also felt different, lighter, less suffocated. I trusted that this was the way. So, this is how my supernatural relationship with God began. I did the natural, and He did the super
Fast forward almost eight years, many more challenges, and I'm living to tell about it. I am fifty years old, starting over, a recovering control freak willingly admitting that I'm powerless without God. I am not ashamed to admit it. That's the difference! My only regret is having lived all those years without inviting Him into my life. I know that having God in my life does not mean I won't have problems, but I will no longer be fighting them alone. I am still an ordinary person, but I have been set-apart to share my gift and testimony just like my friend did that day. I believe that's how God works. He places brave vessels on earth in our paths to lead us to Him. They plant the seed in fertile soil; it grows through Him. I freely exchange my fear for faith and choose to be a brave sower for His glory. Are you fertile soil?
Comments